Mariah Carey's kinda scary

Happy twenty-first birthday, first kid conceived to a Mariah Carey record!

Nope, not doing one.  It makes me feel too old.  You want a reference, here's Big (title ref at 0:40).

Seriously.  Sorry, not doing it.

... I said no.

Goddammit.  Fine.

Happy birthday, you saccharine overproduced lovechild.  The legend says your coming foretells the end times, when all human emotion is available only via a $0.99 Amazon.com MP3 download.