27 June 2014

"You gotta have breathed the same air as G.G. Allin to be served in this establishment."

"And if you did breathe the same air... well, sorry, kid, but ain't none of us ever going to be clean."

25 June 2014

Talkin' baseball, Kluszewski and Campanella

"You must have drawn breath at the same time as Roy Campanella to be served in this establishment."

Winner of three MVPs, five pennants, and a World Series ring.  Owner of a career .500 slugging percentage while playing catcher full time.  And he didn't get a chance at the majors until he was 26, joining the Dodgers two years after Jackie Robinson integrated baseball.  His career ended when he was paralyzed in a car accident. 

Late Night with David Letterman

"You must have lived through Letterman on NBC to be served in this establishment."

... and just because why not?

24 June 2014

"You must be older than Sleepless in Seattle to be served in this establishment."

Wow, I really have been sleeping on this.  Sleepless coming out the same week as the Lorena Bobbitt, um, exercise in manscaping?  It was like the Woodstock of romantic moments!


22 June 2014

Never mind the bug, dad---check out the size of his dick!

"You must be older than Lorena Bobbitt jokes to be served in this establishment."

Sorry guys---I really don't know how I missed this one when it passed.  Wishful thinking, perhaps?

21 June 2014

Exile in Guyville

"You must be older than Liz Phair's recording career to be served in this establishment."

Just to remind you, I told you this album was coming.  Believe me now about how good '93 was?
... and happy birthday, Mrs. T.!

17 June 2014

See, kids, in the nineties, this is what qualified as "satirical." It was a stupider time

"You must be older than The Last Action Hero to be served in this establishment."

Apologies for my Englischsprachliche Leserinnen und Leser, but the German version was the only way I could tolerate that.

Christ, I think Rob Schneider was in that movie.  What a horrible time for America. 

14 June 2014

08 June 2014

Heidi Fliess

"You gotta have been born before the coming to light of the activities of the Hollywood Madam to be served in this establishment."

"Yeah, kid, it's... a long way to say that.  Just show me a card with a birthday longer than 21 ago, hey?"

Ooh, check out her Wiki page.  She currently lives in a place called "Pahrump."  Heh.  "Pahrump."  That's a fun name to say.  Also, she's a vegetarian... and I'm sure mom would love me to find a nice Jewish girl someday....

06 June 2014

The Artist Formerly Known as Prince

"You gotta have been born before Prince started going by an unpronounceable hermaphroditic ankh-y symbol to be served here."

"That's your generation, huh?  You probably spell your name with a '3' and an umlaut; am I right?  And why do I get the sneaking suspicion you're going to order a 'Peppermint Lilith' instead of an ordinary drink?" 

04 June 2014

"You must have sucked wind at the same time as Conway Twitty to drink here."

... wow, I didn't think it would be this hard to find a Family Guy clip.  Shows to go ya. 

02 June 2014

Big Cat

"You must have lived at the same time as Johnny Mize to be served in this establishment."

Member of the Hall of Fame; won a batting title, led his league in homers four times, in RBIs once, plus doubles, triples, runs, and slugging some times after that.  Five guys in history have hit 40+ home runs in a season when they struck out fewer than 40 times.  Mize is one of 'em.