Friends in Low Places

The first kid conceived to the lyrics "the whiskey drowns and the beer chases" will actually be chasing his first legal whiskey with his first legal beer tonight.  Happy 21st birthday, tex.

"I search myself, I want you to find me"

"You must be older than 'I Touch Myself' to drink in this establishment."

Interesting sidenote:  The Divinyls was also Pope Benedict's celibacy-themed deejay outfit back when he was in seminary, but he never talks about that now.

"Wide right!"

"You must be older than Super Bowl patches to drink in this establishment."

You ain't got no job...

"Um, so look.  Listen, son. Sixteen years and nine months ago, I drove your mother to the movies, right, and, well, you know how these things can go.  One thing led to another led to you, and....  Just, take the keys and be careful.  You never know how long the decisions you make now might haunt you; you might wake up when you're forty and realize you were in Anaconda."

"You must be older than the Somali civil war to drink in this establishment."

It's still going on.  (Sorry, they aren't all going to be droll bits of nostalgia.)

Slipped the surly bonds of earth

Happy 21st birthday, first kid conceived under the Hubble Space Telescope!

I don't know if the world became more magical, or if it rather seemed infinitely smaller, once we had the chance to see pictures like that above.  But I'm pretty sure your dad wasn't devoting a single brain cell to that quandary, at the time.

About nothing

"You must be older than Seinfeld to drink in this establishment."[fn1]

Otherwise---no booze for you![fn2]

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fn1:  Okay, technically this one needs a large caveat.  The pilot episode of the show, then titled The Seinfeld Chronicles, aired 5 July 1989, but NBC hated it and didn't pick it up.  A year later, some executive who actually believed in the show made a call and got them to make four more episodes, under the new title Seinfeld, after the end of regular programming, when the network would otherwise just be airing summer reruns, beginning 31 May 1990.  That got their foot in the door for a winter half-season; the first episode of what's technically the second season, The Ex-Girlfriend, aired 23 January 1991.  A reasonable argument exists for dating the series, qua series, from any of those three dates.

fn2:  I am so, so very sorry.  

"If you complain once more"

Happy 16th birthday, first kid conceived to "Army of Me."

And even though you can drive now, your first car probably won't be a bitchin' eight-wheeled monster dump truck made out of enormous exhaust pipes.  I know it's disappointing.  

"One chance housed between two worlds / Fire, walk with me"

Happy 21st birthday, kid who was conceived during, or even more disturbing in the near aftermath of, this episode:

First drink at midnight's on the house (I have a feeling you have a lot of childhood to forget).

I'm Taken with the Notion

"You must be older than 'Baby Baby' to drink in this establishment."

Operation Desert Storm

"You must be older than Operation Desert Storm to drink in this establishment."