... although this joke was funnier when "depression" wasn't yet the right word for it

"To get a drink, you gotta be older than this bit of comedic gold."

I don't want to be your slave

"You must have drawn breath at the same time as Willie Dixon to drink in this establishment."

Finally

"You must be older than CeCe Peniston's career to drink in this establishment."

Ricky Ray Rector

"You must be older than Bill Clinton's murderous hypocrisy have been born before Gov. Clinton personally oversaw the execution of a retarded man to appear 'tough on crime' to drink in this establishment."

Seriously, read the story if you haven't already.

Lisa the Greek

"You must be older than 'Daddy-Daughter Day' to drink in this establishment."

.. can't embed, but apparently possibly viewable here.

... and happy birthday, Kiara!

Mama cooked breakfast with no hog

"You must be older than Ice Cube's good day in order to drink here."  

No.  Not the song or the video.  The actual titular day.

Freejack

"You must be older than Freejack to drink in this establishment."

Kerplunk

"You must be older than the first Green Day CD to drink in this establishment."

You got the juice, now

"You must be older than Juice to drink in this establishment."

Oh, wait.  No.

I'm back

[shoot; time-stamping isn't working.  Skip ahead to 10:50 for reference.]

Hey, so shit's obviously been on my mind other than this blog; regrets to my faithful readers (such as they are).  Partly this is due to recent events; partly it's due to recent laziness; partly it's... I don't know.  Maybe no one dropped any singles after the USSR dissolved.

Anyway, I do hope to be a more frequent updater in the coming weeks and months.  Unfortunately, this one I can't find a specific date, but close enough:  You must be older than Rancid to drink here.

Bushu-suru

"You gotta be older than jokes about 'bad sushi' to drink in this establishment."