"Sigh."

"You must be older than Kenny Rogers's perfect game to be served in this establishment."

Wait, no, not that one---hangon:

Dammit!  Hangon, I got this:

Or, in happier sports news....

"You must be older than the first American World Cup to be served in this establishment."

No Peyton Manning jokes, please

"You must be older than O.J. Simpson's ride in a slow white Bronco to be served in this establishment."

"You must be older than the Simpson-Brown and Goldman murders to be served in this establishment."

Pop quiz, hotshot

"You must be older than Speed to be served in this establishment."

"You must have been born before Marky Mark became 'Mark Wahlberg' to be served in this establishment."