"You gotta have been conceived before the premiere of Cop Rock to drink in this establishment."

"No, no, no---kid, this is obviously a fake.  There's no 'Secretary of Licenses' in the State of Hawaii, and the watermark on this says 'Authentic'."

"And I got more bad news for you.  Since you need a fake ID, there's a vanishing but non-zero chance you came into existence moments after your dad put in a tape into the VHS, slapped on a fake mustache and a pair of aviator shades and started singing 'Let's Get It On' to your mom.  Sorry dude.  This bar's for folks of a more innocent age."