"Lemme guess, your dad was the last guy of his friends to have a fuzzy goatee and ponytail, and your mom tried to bond with you over Enya and later Belly, and you probably want to order a cocktail invented during Prohibition with a name like 'vespertine' or something. Well, we ain't got that, so here's your whiskey and rocks and a special birthday tip: Quit thumbing through the jukebox looking for the Magnetic Fields and go tell them cute hipsters they got nice eyes and see which of 'em wants to go home with ya. Everything's a lot easier if you stop treating the world like it's your eighth grade art project."
10 May 2012
"Happy 21st birthday, first kids conceived to 'Sadeness' by Enigma!"
"Lemme guess, your dad was the last guy of his friends to have a fuzzy goatee and ponytail, and your mom tried to bond with you over Enya and later Belly, and you probably want to order a cocktail invented during Prohibition with a name like 'vespertine' or something. Well, we ain't got that, so here's your whiskey and rocks and a special birthday tip: Quit thumbing through the jukebox looking for the Magnetic Fields and go tell them cute hipsters they got nice eyes and see which of 'em wants to go home with ya. Everything's a lot easier if you stop treating the world like it's your eighth grade art project."
"Lemme guess, your dad was the last guy of his friends to have a fuzzy goatee and ponytail, and your mom tried to bond with you over Enya and later Belly, and you probably want to order a cocktail invented during Prohibition with a name like 'vespertine' or something. Well, we ain't got that, so here's your whiskey and rocks and a special birthday tip: Quit thumbing through the jukebox looking for the Magnetic Fields and go tell them cute hipsters they got nice eyes and see which of 'em wants to go home with ya. Everything's a lot easier if you stop treating the world like it's your eighth grade art project."
09 May 2012
08 May 2012
Are you the creator of Hi and Lois? Because you are making me laugh
"You must be older than Comic Book Guy to drink in this establishment."
(pic)
Wow, that really was one of the best episodes ever. Hard to find clips owing to Fox policy, but this one's still up:
Apologies for the quality.
(pic)
Wow, that really was one of the best episodes ever. Hard to find clips owing to Fox policy, but this one's still up:
Apologies for the quality.
07 May 2012
Because nothing says "party" like these bitchin' vintage Walkman headphones!
"You must be older than MTV Party to Go to drink in this establishment."
Hmm... since this is when Mtv still played music videos, let's go with one of those. "Personal Jesus"? "Feels Good"? "Tom's Diner"? Hmm... nope, got it:
Hmm... since this is when Mtv still played music videos, let's go with one of those. "Personal Jesus"? "Feels Good"? "Tom's Diner"? Hmm... nope, got it:
06 May 2012
Daudz laimes dzimšanas dienā!
"You must be older than Latvia to drink in this establishment."
(Pic and background here.)
This one's for my occasional Latvian reader. I know you're scoffing, but really! Check out my stats below:
(Pic and background here.)
This one's for my occasional Latvian reader. I know you're scoffing, but really! Check out my stats below:
05 May 2012
Ohhh!.... < /andrewdiceclay>
"You must be older than EMF to drink in this establishment."
Their first three singles were "Unbelievable," "I Believe," and "Lies," but I never figured out if they were doing a thing with that.
You know what? let's hear that one more time:
(Thanks to Dave for the latter mashup.)
Their first three singles were "Unbelievable," "I Believe," and "Lies," but I never figured out if they were doing a thing with that.
You know what? let's hear that one more time:
(Thanks to Dave for the latter mashup.)
03 May 2012
02 May 2012
Perhaps not surprisingly, imdb contains no "memorable quotes" for me to abuse in this headline
"You must have been born before someone spoke the words, 'Hey, why don't we see that John Stamos movie tonight?' to drink in this establishment."
01 May 2012
Rush rush (get the llello!)
"You must be older than 'Rush Rush' to drink in this establishment."
...christ, 's'like dealing with children. Not funny, guys.
...christ, 's'like dealing with children. Not funny, guys.
Ahh, that's the stuff.
29 April 2012
... and the lightning strikes / And I play songs that no one likes ....
"You must be older than 'Thunder Rolls' to drink in this establishment."
Also: happy birthday, Robbie!
Also: happy birthday, Robbie!
27 April 2012
Shhh... the ghost of John Ritter can't hurt you anymore
"Happy 21st birthday, kids conceived after a date involving the movie Problem Child!"
"I'm guessing life's been mirthless and confusing, so let's just keep getting you a refill of that jet fuel on the rocks until the cold indifference of the universe starts to seem comic."
... nope, not playing a clip. I do recall the Beach Boys song from the soundtrack being somewhat listenable, though, so here's that.
"I'm guessing life's been mirthless and confusing, so let's just keep getting you a refill of that jet fuel on the rocks until the cold indifference of the universe starts to seem comic."
... nope, not playing a clip. I do recall the Beach Boys song from the soundtrack being somewhat listenable, though, so here's that.
26 April 2012
25 April 2012
"Now when I say Sonic the Hedgehog's in my pocket, it's not---well, it's still kinda creepy"
"You must be older than Sega Game Gear to drink in this establishment."
I missed the Game Boy rollout; that was in the Summer of '89. (Hey, where's that Bryan Adams knockoff, Weird Al? "Got my first real hand-held / At the end of summer vacation / Played it 'til my thumbs got swollen / Was the first year of the first President Bush's administraaaaay-tion!")
I missed the Game Boy rollout; that was in the Summer of '89. (Hey, where's that Bryan Adams knockoff, Weird Al? "Got my first real hand-held / At the end of summer vacation / Played it 'til my thumbs got swollen / Was the first year of the first President Bush's administraaaaay-tion!")
24 April 2012
22 April 2012
"You must have been born before the start of the William Kennedy Smith rape investigation and trial to drink in this establishment."
21 April 2012
"You must have been born before the last This Mortal Coil record to drink in this establishment."
Famously name-checked on Patton Oswalt's KFC sketch, but all the youtube clips have a Pink Floyd reference instead.
Famously name-checked on Patton Oswalt's KFC sketch, but all the youtube clips have a Pink Floyd reference instead.
20 April 2012
No one can save me but you
"You must be older than the Chris Isaak era[fn1] to drink in this establishment."
----
fn1: This is another one where precise dating is an issue. Isaak's career began much earlier to critical acclaim but commercial shrugs, and it wasn't for several years that he would garner any attention from the consuming public. There's another date, in 1990, I could have used for this, but I'm saving it for an associated movie (hint hint!). I would have liked to have found the release date for the video---that was of course the introduction most people got to him---but couldn't find it. What I could find, that is, what I could find that had a precise date on it, was the linked article, which is hardly authoritative. But if you're coming here in search of authoritative sources, um, perhaps this Internet thing isn't quite for you.
----
And happy birthday, Val!
----
fn1: This is another one where precise dating is an issue. Isaak's career began much earlier to critical acclaim but commercial shrugs, and it wasn't for several years that he would garner any attention from the consuming public. There's another date, in 1990, I could have used for this, but I'm saving it for an associated movie (hint hint!). I would have liked to have found the release date for the video---that was of course the introduction most people got to him---but couldn't find it. What I could find, that is, what I could find that had a precise date on it, was the linked article, which is hardly authoritative. But if you're coming here in search of authoritative sources, um, perhaps this Internet thing isn't quite for you.
----
And happy birthday, Val!
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