Try not to suck any dicks on your way across the parking lot! Hey, you---get back here!

"You must be older than Clerks to be served in this establishment."

Dammit, dammit, sunuvabitch

"You must be older than the goddamned mutherloving horrible putrid disaster that was the Dave Matthews Band to be served in this establishment."

What's the frequency, Kenneth?

"You must be older than Monster to be served in this establishment."

"You must be older than the Federal Assault Weapons Ban to be served in this establishment."

A bit of curious timing, I suppose, being paired with this morning's entry....

Bee-aye-double-gee-aye-eeh. Get it? Biggie"

"You must be  older than Biggie to drink here."

Knock it off---youtube wasn't cooperating.

I hate myself and I want to die (can't believe that title didn't stick)

"You must be older than Lizzie Wurtzel's literary career to be served in this establishment."

Definitely Maybe

"You must be older than Oasis to be served in this establishment."

They probably have a legitimate claim to being the biggest musical act of the 1990s, which demonstrates clearer than anything else how shitty the decade was (the solitary exception of 1993 notwithstanding).  I'd love to give it to R.E.M. or a hip-hop act, but it's probably the Gallagher brothers.

Christ, do I ever hate this band.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/When_I_Woke

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dummy_(album)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1994%E2%80%9395_Major_League_Baseball_strike

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clear_and_Present_Danger_(film)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Mask_(film)

North

"You must be older than Scarlett Johanson's screen debut to be served in this establishment."

Kidding, of course---I'm sure there must have been something else good about this film.

... or maybe not....

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/True_Lies



... and happy Bastille Day!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Forrest_Gump

"Sigh."

"You must be older than Kenny Rogers's perfect game to be served in this establishment."

Wait, no, not that one---hangon:

Dammit!  Hangon, I got this:

Or, in happier sports news....

"You must be older than the first American World Cup to be served in this establishment."

No Peyton Manning jokes, please

"You must be older than O.J. Simpson's ride in a slow white Bronco to be served in this establishment."

"You must be older than the Simpson-Brown and Goldman murders to be served in this establishment."