AKA: The first clue Mick Jagger might not have been as cool as your grandparents always insisted

"You must be older than Windows 95 to drink here."

People were shocked that Kevin Costner was not, in fact, bulletproof

"You must be older than Waterworld to drink here."

No, I don't wanna show it.  

KIDS

"You must be older than Chloe Sevigny's film career.  And Rosario Dawson's.  To be served in this establishment."

"You must be older than Clueless to be served in this establishment."

Not a Pretty Girl

"You must be older than '32 Flavors' to drink here."

Huh... this bar has been visited by the specter of the American middle class

"You must have been born before the first Amazon online book sale to be served in this establishment."

Hey, the Ass-man's in town!

"You must have been born before the first appearance of David Puddy to be served in this establishment."

God, so man great parts in this episode.

"You must be  older than Netscape Navigator in this establishment."

This would eventually end in the Microsoft antitrust case, its successful appeal, and... yeah.

This is just to say

"That kids who were born after Jeffrey Dahmer left this earth are old enough to drink in this establishment."

Forgive me.

Something something.

And so cold.

Try not to suck any dicks on your way across the parking lot! Hey, you---get back here!

"You must be older than Clerks to be served in this establishment."

Dammit, dammit, sunuvabitch

"You must be older than the goddamned mutherloving horrible putrid disaster that was the Dave Matthews Band to be served in this establishment."

What's the frequency, Kenneth?

"You must be older than Monster to be served in this establishment."

"You must be older than the Federal Assault Weapons Ban to be served in this establishment."

A bit of curious timing, I suppose, being paired with this morning's entry....

Bee-aye-double-gee-aye-eeh. Get it? Biggie"

"You must be  older than Biggie to drink here."

Knock it off---youtube wasn't cooperating.

I hate myself and I want to die (can't believe that title didn't stick)

"You must be older than Lizzie Wurtzel's literary career to be served in this establishment."

Definitely Maybe

"You must be older than Oasis to be served in this establishment."

They probably have a legitimate claim to being the biggest musical act of the 1990s, which demonstrates clearer than anything else how shitty the decade was (the solitary exception of 1993 notwithstanding).  I'd love to give it to R.E.M. or a hip-hop act, but it's probably the Gallagher brothers.

Christ, do I ever hate this band.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/When_I_Woke

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dummy_(album)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1994%E2%80%9395_Major_League_Baseball_strike

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clear_and_Present_Danger_(film)