"Now let me just go out on a limb---your folks' marriage was on the rocks, and they had you to try to reconnect; that worked for a couple of years until your dad went out for diapers one night, 'cause it was his turn, and he never came back. Your mom spent the next couple of years dating guys she met at her codependents' anonymous meetings and telling you how love was one thing, the ability to goddamn stick it out even when things don't easy is something else, and when she didn't ever meet your prom date a second time she told you she thought she raised you better than that. Stop me if I'm getting too close."
"Well, anyway, no one here wants you to stick it out, and they don't even want you to fall in love. Just go talk to someone in glasses and ask if they heard the new Wilco album yet. First shot's on me."[fn2]
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fn1: Technically, only those after Bette Midler's version, as apparently it had been covered before.
fn2: Haven't I pulled this schtick before? Is this becoming my, you know, thing? I think the blog might need a graphic for a surly bartender....
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