"You must be older than the Food Network to be served in this establishment."

... and happy birthday, Stephanie, Morgan, and Heather!

Ultraviolence

"Yours must have sucked wind with the malenki alveoli of Anthony Burgess to be in this moloko bar."

... and happy birthday, Morgan and Jaren!  (and Tweety Bird) (and Bjork!)

"You've got to have sucked wind at the same time as El Doctoro to be served in this establishment."

Shit, that show did have a great closing.  One more:

.... mayyyybe one more:

... and happy birthday, Charles and Sakar and Chris!

De plane! de plane!

"You must have drawn breath at the same time as Herve Villechaize to be served in this establishment."

"You gotta have... you know what?  I give up."

"Although this is kinda sorta cool."

"You must be older than The Nanny to be served in this restaurant."

Rebel Assault

"You must be older than the era of computer games distributed only on CDs to be served here."

"You must have breathed the same air as River Phoenix to be served in this establishment."

Remember:  the point of this blog is that if it appears more than 24 hours ago, then kids younger than that can drink, and probably are drinking, in your favorite bar. Some of them probably never even heard of the Viper Room. 

Thanks, Obama!

Awwonh Buhh!

"You must be older than this ad to be served in this establishment."

Yeah, I'm doubling up from last week.  So shoot me. 

"You must be older than the Jon Stewart show to be served in this establishment."

"No---I mean, The Jon Stewart Show.  You know.  With Howard."

Haben Sie Milch?

"Look buddy:  In order to drink something stronger than milk here, you must be older than 'Got Milk?'"

Although the snickers that induced turned out to be kind of puerile once he showed the whole Internet his cock. 

Wow... the ad campaign was actually discontinued in February.  It didn't even live to see its twenty-first birthday...

That does remind me to look up the date for the Lilith Fair "you must be older than" post

"You must be older than Fumbling Towards Ecstasy to be served in this establishment."

Look, I can't spell her name on the first try, either

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Plantation_Lullabies

Hey Amigo / Here we do things slow

"You must be older than Mexican Moon to be served in this establishment."

"Happy 21st birthday, first result of a broken 'True Love Waits' pledge!"

Very Necessary

"You must be older than 'Shoop' to be served in this establishment."

"Or 'Whatta Man'.  Not sure which I'd rate higher."

Aurora Gory Alice

"You must be older than Letters to Cleo to be served in this establishment."

Yeah... watch two seconds and try and tell me you don't remember them. 

Come on feel the ...

"... buhhh, The Lemonheads."

"Yeah, kid, I don't really care anymore.  Screw the ID---you wanna get fucked up?  I don't really care and I don't want to live anymore.  Open the bottle yourself and you can drink as much as you can handle."

"Only thing is you throw up, you mop up.  I'm too tired today."

"You must be older than the 1/2 Men to be served in this establishment."

And I would feel a lot worse about that if I were willing to admit I even know that that's a thing. 

"I'm sorry.  I don't own a television."  Yeah, you hate people who say that.  But right now, I'll bet you're envious.

This bed is on fire

"You must be older than Laid to drink here."