When masturbation's lost its fun you're fucking lonely

"You must be older than Dookie to be served in this establishment."

Never was a cornflake girl

"You must be older than Under the Pink to be served in this establishment."

"Why me? Why anybody?"

"You must be older than the Nancy Kerrigan attack to be served in this establishment."

(Thanks to Paul F. Thompkins for the full quote.)

That giant sucking sound, part two

Just a reprise---kids drinking today have lived their whole lives under NAFTA, as an effective legal regime.

I feel like if I were more serious about being funny, I would have a joke about that.  Meh.