Ain't found a way to kill me yet

"You must be older than Dirt to be served in this establishment."

Ah-hah! see what I did there?  Also I forgot this one on the Singles post:

Milton

"You must be older than Milton to drink here."

Core

"You gotta be older than Stone Temple Pilots to drink here."

Experience

"You must be older than The Prodigy to be served in this establishment."

"You must be older than Last of the Mohicans to be served in this establishment."

Aww, Bee Girl!

"You must be older than Blind Melon to be served in this establishment."

Hmm.  I may have gotten that wrong.  Once more:

Did they call him "Coop" or something? Was that the hook?

"You must be older than Hanging with Mr. Cooper to be served in this establishment."

No animals were harmed during the making of this. Except Beavis

"You must be older than 'Frog Baseball' to drink in this establishment."

First episode of "Dog Boy," too.  

Singles

"You must be older than Singles to be served in this establishment."

"You must be older than Picket Fences to be served in this establishment."

A friend once theorized that, for any individual, no matter their lack of artistic talent, he or she would be able to draw Tom Skerritt to a level sufficient that the average observer would be able to identify the object of the drawing as "oh yeah... that guy." 

That's, uh, really all I have to say about this show.  I remember the commercials for it were... on? TV? a lot?  But that's it. 

"You must have been born before Frank Zappa's final performance to be served in this establishment."

I've seen things you people wouldn't believe

"You must be older than[fn1] the real version of Blade Runner to be served in this establishment."

fn1:  Date is approximate, but owing to the date of this report, I'm guessing it's close.  To show what new viewers are "missing," here's the original final voiceover:

You Gotta Believe

"You must have been born before the last album from Marky Mark & the Funky Bunch to be served in this establishment."

The difference between Rush Limbaugh and the Hindenburg is one's a flaming Nazi gasbag...

... and the other's just a poor blimp.

"You must be older than Rush Limbaugh's literary ... efforts in order to drink in this establishment."

... still can't believe it outsold How to Satisfy a Woman Every Time.  Probably everyone who bought the Limbaugh title should have bought Satisfy instead; that way they wouldn't even need to be told whom to blame for their frustrations. 

It's your mother[fn1]

"You must be older than Sneakers to be served in this establishment."

fn1:  I can't believe I remember seeing this movie.  I really can't believe I remember that line. 

But EVERYONE hates everything about you

"You must be older than Ugly Kid Joe to drink here."

... and christ, if you remember how &%$@! much MTV played that damn video, you need it.

Second appearance for Suzanne Vega on the blog

"You must be older than 99.9F to be served in this establishment."

What, no BIF! POW! ?

"You must be older than the Batman cartoon show to be served in this establishment."

"You must be older than The English Patient[fn1][fn2] to be served in this establishment."

 

fn1:  The book, not the movie.
fn2:  Date approximate; Internet yields only the month, and it wouldn't make the New York Times best-seller list until 1996. 

Jamón Jamón

"You must be older than Penelope Cruz's career to be served in this establishment."

 

 

... and happy birthday, Michaelle!